Ideas for strengthening families (Part 1)
In marriage preparation, I generally begin with Jesus' words in Mark 10:6-9 (where he quotes Genesis 1:27 and 2:24). One of the things I tell couples from this passage is that the best gift they can give any children that God gives them is their own strong ‘one flesh’ relationship. After all, the leaving of father and mother indicates that the husband-wife bond takes precedence even over the parent-child bond.
But how often do parents find themselves running around after their children (precious though they are), struggling to find time for each other in their busy lives? That leads me to my wife's first great idea for strengthening families.
We've always eaten together as a family, talking at the table wherever possible at breakfast and dinner. Karyn and I are thankful that this is what we both experienced, growing up in our respective families, as opposed to doing your own thing or eating in front of the TV.
However, every second Tuesday for the last few months, we've eaten apart from our kids. Karyn has got me cooking dinner for just our three daughters—something they really like, which generally involves pasta! After dinner, we give them a kiss. They know the time they are expected to go to bed, and can amuse themselves until then.
Meanwhile, Karyn cooks something special for just the two of us. We can have something a bit more interesting that the kids might not go for. And since we're not going out to a restaurant (thus saving on babysitting), we can spend a bit more on quality ingredients. (We've found the 4 Ingredients cookbooks 1 and 2 really helpful for simple but tasty recipes!)
I set the dining room table properly (instead of the one in the family room), light a candle or two, and we eat and talk. Sometimes we do this just for an hour, but that's more than we often get the rest of the time. And sometimes we do this for longer.
A simple idea, and as a result, what a blessing that time has been! It's time just for the two of us—time we've found it hard to carve out otherwise. And the kids don't seem to mind at all.
The time has been particularly helpful for tackling that perennial marital challenge: good communication. That's a good excuse for setting aside a regular quantity of time, which easily becomes quality time.
Thanks for the great idea, Karyn! (I'll talk about her second idea in my next post.)
Thanks Sandy. Great idea.
Thanks Sandy, for getting us to think about how to strengthen families. Agree the husband/wife relationship is so important.
It’s interesting to think about how the ‘one flesh’ relationship works out in the family.
My one cent worth…
What you worked out re candlelit dinners for yourselves would have seemed really difficult for us to do with the presence of the children in the home. But I know no two families are the same.
We view things from this perspective. As ‘one flesh’ (sex…) points to Christ and his church and because of the cross, both parents and children will all one day be gathered at one meal in heaven. Family meals therefore are to be an expression of joyful fellowship in Christ.
cheers Di
Konichiwa Andy. Thanks for your encouragement, and good to know an old friend is reading.
G’day Di. I reckon your comments are always worth more than one cent; and often far more so.
You are right to acknowledge the variety of families. In our case, the idea probably works well because our kids are all keen readers and love few things better than tucking up in bed with a good book till lights out.
It’s also worth saying that one reason I found Karyn’s idea counter-intuitive at first was because of the very high value we both placed on eating meals together as a whole family when we were both growing up. So it was hard to depart from that even only one night a fortnight.
I also want to say that I think the one-flesh image in the Bible is more than sex, though not less. For us the aim was the intimacy of time alone just for the two of us together, especially in communication, although I am sure there are wider implications for the relationship.
All that said, I like what you do with the Bible’s theological trajectory of applying the one-flesh marriage relationship to our corporate relationship with Christ, in suggesting that whole-family meals are a natural and hopefully joyful expression of our union with Christ.
And we are certainly sticking with that as our basic way of eating together, just with this occasional variation!
Thanks for your gracious reply Sandy.
There are certainly differences between our families in regards to reading. Our kids would have read three lines in a book, and to my despair, before long you would have heard the click click of hockey drills as the background dinner music. And I’m sure with such physical activity, the garlic and basil smells wafting into their bedrooms would have been the last straw!
Muuuuum…I’m still hungry.
cheers Di
Nicky Lock mentioned the sort of idea my wife came up with for us in her excellent article at Sydneyanglicans on “marriage maintenance”.
However she had ten other ideas as well - some of which I am sure my wife and I can benefit from.
And if our idea does not suit your family ‘shape’ I am sure you will get some good ideas from her article!
Commenting rules
If you would like your comment to be considered for publication, please observe the following rules:
Failure to adhere to these rules will result in your comment being quietly deleted.
If you want to give us feedback but don't want your comments to appear on the blog, DON'T use the form below. Instead, please send us an email or click on the button below.
Your Comment
Commenting is not available in this weblog entry.