I am currently reading Shepherding a Child’s Heart on the recommendation of a friend and must say that I am also finding it good.

In times of stress, I find I fall back on the methods my parents used.  The methods used by my parents are not ones I would recommend, and not ones you will find in any parenting book.  However, they taught us about God, they disciplined us, they loved us.  Three of the four of us are Christians.

Much harm can be wrought by trying to emulate what has worked for one family - regardless of whether they claim their parenting method is God’s way or not.

One child may need a smack for discipline, you may find that this only hardens the heart of another.  What worked at five may not work at seven, or thirteen.  However, within that Biblical framework, there is a lot of freedom.

I heartily agree, Liz; and I’m so glad, Lucy! It helps me too.

One idea would be to cut and paste the list, and stick it in the front of the parenting books on your shelf!

Here’s the links for a few good parenting books:

Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart (Others by the Tripps are Age of Opportunity, on teenagers.)

Kent and Barbara Hughes, Disciplines of a Godly Family - lots of ideas for building a Christian home and family.

Edith Shaeffer What is a Family? - an oldy but a goody.

I don’t agree with everything these books say, and I think the disciplinary methods available to us are broader than the first book may suggest. But these books are helpful and Biblical, an excellent start.

A helpful secular book, by an Australian, is Parenting for Character.

I’m planning to post a more comprehensive list and review of parenting books on in all honesty in a month or so. I’ve got to read some of the books on my list first!

Thanks Jean - what an encouraging post.

It’s interesting to see the “list of non-negotiables” includes principles rather than methods.

Mike

Yes, Mike, you’re right, they’re all principles: which is very significant. I can’t think of any parenting “methods” rather than “principles” mandated by the Bible, unless you take the “rod” in Proverbs as meaning that smacking is the main God-appointed method of discipline, as many do. I respect their opinion on this, but I think that the mention of the “rod” in Proverbs, while it makes it hard to make out a case against all forms of physical discipline, can include a wide range of methods of discipline. There will be times, situations and issues which will make physical discipline inappropriate, and when other forms of discipline will be preferable. As always, I think this is a matter of applying the Biblical principle - to discipline your child fairly and in love - with wisdom in your own situation.

Cathy, hi! I agree that there is wisdom to be gained from secular parenting books, especially on practical issues like breast feeding, and even on different options for discipline.

Do Christian books re-invent the wheel? I’m sure some do, making some of them less helpful than their secular counterparts, since they can add a whole weight of guilt that you’re not doing things in the “Christian” way if you don’t follow their advice, or they can label good practical advice as “Christian” as if this makes it somehow biblical. This is particularly true with practical issues like settling your baby, where they best books I’ve read on the subject are definitely not Christian!

But I don’t think going to a secular parenting expert is quite like going to a brain surgeon. There’s a lot more secular philosophy involved in parenting advice than in surgery. Which means we need to be very cautious
(as you allow) when reading secular parenting books (and the Christian parenting books influenced by them). We need to be aware of the hidden assumptions about God, people and the world.

It’s often hard to separate parenting advice from the secular philosophies underlying it, especially when it comes to issues like discipline, psychological development, and even cognitive development. For example, the self-esteem movement which dominated child-rearing theories for many years, can cause children to believe that they are the center of the universe. If we accept this kind of advice just because it’s from an “expert”, we can undermine the Bible’s teaching about God, sin and grace.

And there will be some things only Christian teaching on parenting can do. For example, no secular book can provide a Biblical foundation for the parent-child relationship (e.g. that God has made us the authority over our children); give advice on teaching children about God and the Bible; or place parenting in the context of God’s grace.