An Interview with Ben Pfahlert Sandy Grant

Ben,

Just because I never really lived anywhere between my leaving my folks’ house and getting married doesn’t mean I am soft (don’t think you meant to put it like that).

Cheers
Hamish

Ben,

You hate guys who live at home when they are 25? Care to elaborate on that at all?

Adam

Mk 10:6: “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

I guess there are soft, Mummy’s boys out there somewhere, but it seems a bit of a flippant remark for Ben to make. After all, there is a fair argument to suggest that leaving mummy and getting married to a woman is one of the reasons for marriage (there are plenty more, I know ...).  Isn’t that one of the things that Jesus is saying in Mark 10:6-8?

And yes, I did leave home and get married at 25!

Methinks that either:

  1. Ben may have touched a raw nerve with you three, or
  2. You collectively have an underdeveloped sense of humour

Or you’re making a coordinated, cunning and subtly satirical joke of your own about the over-sensitivity of 25-year-old guys who live with their mummies ...? wink

Hi there fellas. Sorry I’ve taken so long to respond.
Hamish, thanks for your comment. You make a very valid and wise point i.e. that not all men who move from their parents home to their marriage pad are soft. It is not a universal rule I agree . . . but gee it happens a lot. I’ve worked as an overseer of men between the ages of 17-24 for about 15 years now and there are very few, very, very, few exceptions. Perhaps I was rash to make a blanket statement about softness, but then again perhaps blanket statements are ok sometimes. Paul makes a blanket statement about Cretans in Titus 1:12-13. It sounds pretty damning, yet according to Titus 1:5 there must be some good eggs in the Cretan Carton because Paul wants some of them appointed as elders. Hamish, I don’t want to write off or mock home dwelling but I do want to warn them of the potential problems. (see below).
Adam,
G’day. Thanks for your comment and your kind request for clarification. You did slightly misquote me. I said, “I hate affluenza, acceptable sins (in fact, all sins) and soft blokes—the kind who still live at home with mummy at age 25” I think the words “the kind” make a difference. So to elaborate. Do I hate soft blokes? Yes in many ways I do. I hate Adam for being soft, for not opening his cake hole, for not taking responsibility and for not protecting his wife Eve, when she took green grocer poison (Genesis 3:6). But I also love Adam (or would if he was still alive today). Now as I write the above I feel very nervous. God can love and hate someone perfectly, he is H-O-L-Y. I don’t EVER encourage myself, or others, to walk around hating people. I’m so riddled with sin, that I know any hatred I feel will be so U-N-H-O-L-Y that is isn’t funny. So I concentrate on loving people. I pray daily for the ‘fruit of the spirit’ especially ‘love’ but in the same breath hate those who call the ‘north’ of God’s compass ‘south’ i.e. people like those mentioned in Proverbs 6:16-19.
Michael,
Thanks mate for our comment. You are dead right. Getting married is one of the reasons for leaving home. The bloke leaves so as to start a new family unit / line. He leaves his own home to take up the role as leader of the new household, he leaves to take up the mantle, to be leader (Eph 5:23), washer of their wife in the word (Eph 5:25-28), protector (Eph 5:29) and trainer of children (Eph 6:4). That is not what is happening today.
Wally,
Thanks to you also brother for your comment. I think you were a bit harsh on your three brothers - but I’m sure we’ll all get over it pretty quickly as we compartmentalise this conversation from others (a great bloke trait).
Dangers,
What are the problems with staying home until 25? Here’s a few thoughts:
1. Leadership - you don’t learn to be ultimately reposnsible. You don’t have to reconnect the phone because the bill didn’t get paid etc. In some cultures you can live in your parents home and still be delegated this responsibility (like a mate of mine who is from Syria), but for most Westerners it is the complete opposite. Therefore when you move out to get married, you don’t lead well for a long time, you’ve got training wheels on.
2. Budgetting - when you move out you have to watch the pennies because there is no financial safety net (Mum & Dad).
3. Resolving issues with people who aren’t family. This happens when you share a house with peers. You have to face up to your own foibles e.g. telling white lies or being a triangulating gossip.
4. Basic Maintenance Responsibilites - being ultimately responsible to ensure key maintenance tasks are carried out e.g. mowing the lawns and reading the Bible. 
I hope all of the above makes sense fellas.
Benny

Fair cop, Benjo.

Apologies, Hamish, Adam & Michael, if you were offended by my comment.

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